Letters Between A Queen And Her Zeppo
by NaieveCynical
Summary: Cordy and Xander uses letters and diary entries to work out their feelings for each other
1. Default Chapter

Title: Letters Between A Queen & Her Zeppo  
Auhtor: NaiveCynical  
Summary: AU in which a coupled Xander and Cordelia are having a fight over his ex-girlfriend, Willow and write a series of letters and diary entries. X/C  
Author's Note: This story diverges from Buffy canon after A Lover's Walk, in season 3. In this universe, Willow and Xander dated for two month. After they broke up, Xander and Cordelia reunited.  
  
Letters Between A Queen & Her Zeppo  
Cordy  
  
Thursday, February 17, 1999  
Dear Xander,  
I'm in my 5th period study hall, and a lot of things were on my mind which I really needed to write about. I know this will aggravate you alot because I keep telling you and everyone else that I have gotten over the you and Nerdy Willow With A Capital N thing, and "changing my mind". I keep reading that letter and feeling horrible again.   
  
It isn't an issue of me trusting you or not, because I did blindly trust you again, more than anyone else does until I read that. You keep telling me that if I just trust you I will feel okay again, and everything will feel normal. Not only is saying that a clever little opportunity to make me feel guilty for not believing every damn word that comes out of your cheating mouth, it won't work for this situation.  
  
The only thing that would make us perfectly okay again is if you had never written that letter. I know that you only wrote it to "get her off your back", but that is the kind of sense that's not. If you want to politely tell someone to stop being a lustful idiot over them, you write something like, "Dear Willow, I am sorry for hurting you like I did and I want you to know that it was nothing about you and you're a great person and I wanna hang out with you sometime, blah blah blah." You don't write a soul-bearing letter that say things like, and I quote, "I miss you so much that I cry everytime I think about you.", "You may not be what I think about all the time...but most of it I would say", or my personal favorite one," Your touch, the way your body feels, and your very essence makes me feel at home and blissfully content in your love".   
  
Apparently, you don't understand that this is what I have been so paranoid about ever since I saw you and Geek Girl sucking face just before I got impaled with a rusty spike. I so don't believe for a nanosecond you wrote it to "get her off your back", no matter how well I trusted you, and I did trust you because no one else would. Things really hit the fan when Buffy found out you lied about about Angel getting recursed, didn't they? I mean, I could have still been a nasty bitch towards you while your precious Scooby Gang turned against you, but I knew that you needed someone so I decided to forgive you and be there for you.  
  
I know that after you read this, you will convince me you love me and try to make me feel like you're truly boyfriendly again, but is it even possible? I keep reading that letter and feel more and more pathetic. Do you even really want to make things work? It's really horrible to keep going back and forth like this. I want to be at a point where everything is stable and all, but I'm not going off to Denial Land to make us work, either. We have alot of issues we need to work through, and I just want to know if you can.  
  
Love(however stupid that may be),  
Cordy  
  
P.S. You're probaly mad that I call Willow names...well, I really don't care. She is the loser who stole my boyfriend and I will never like her again. So there! 


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Letters Between A Queen & Her Zeppo  
  
  
Auhtor: NaiveCynical  
  
  
Summary: AU in which a coupled Xander and Cordelia are having a fight over his ex-girlfriend, Willow and write a series of letters and diary entries. X/C  
  
  
Author's Note: This story diverges from Buffy canon after A Lover's Walk, in season 3. In this universe, Willow and Xander dated for two month. After they broke up, Xander and Cordelia reunited.  
  
Chapter 2: Xander  
  
2/18/99  
Cordy,  
  
I don't think I'll be letting you read this, but I feel the need to respond. Anyways, it times like this I really wish bad things didn't happen. I mean there are things I'm sure that have happened to you that really bordered on Nightmareville, but you think about it and realized they shaped you....helped you become just who you are.  
  
  
But all of this, everything that revolved around that short yet mega-powerful letter was ridicoulus and should have never happened. I can't fall down to my knees begging for forgiveness to take away the pain I caused you over this year. It's wrong, I'm a jerk, and you never deserved any of what happened.   
  
  
As for that letter...I should have been thinking of you when writing to the girl I was friends with for 13 years. I am so in the wrong for not telling Willow about you and me getting back together. Sure, it would have broken her heart even more than if I had just told her, but then none of this would have ever happened.   
  
  
I love you so damn much, and I know you know that I know you know I didn't mean for any of this to happen. But it did, and I don't know how to fix it. But I aggree, I should have never written the fucking thing. If I could I would go back and not do it...I don't know what I can do to make what you're feeling go away. I don't know how to make you and me feel like...you and me?   
  
  
I'm sure things sooner or later will not only return to normal, but also get better than they ever were. I love you, and am confident we can get through everything together. Cordy, I want to spend the rest of my life with you and no one else. No one makes me feel like how you do. I feel important and special, almost like I'm a hero. That's something no one but you has ever given me.  
  
So yeah, I want things to work. 'Cause what you and me have had since junior year is something special, and I refuse to give up on us.  
  
Love, (even though I don't deserve to lick the soles of the Prada shoes you own)  
Xander  
  
P.S. Yeah, I'm mad that you call Willow names, but it's okay. Me and her never missed an oppurtunity to make fun of you....retelling the 4th grade trip to the zoo story was pretty entertaining. 


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Letters Between A Queen & Her Zeppo  
  
  
Auhtor: NaiveCynical  
  
  
Summary: AU in which a coupled Xander and Cordelia are having a fight over his ex-girlfriend, Willow and write a series of letters and diary entries. X/C  
  
  
Author's Note: This story diverges from Buffy canon after A Lover's Walk, in season 3. In this universe, Willow and Xander dated for two months. After they broke up, Xander and Cordelia reunited.  
  
  
Chapter 3: Cordelia  
  
Saturday, February 19, 1999  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
  
Xander slipped me a note in my locker yesterday. I couldn't find him, so I just drove over to the Expresso Pump and talked with Harmony for a bit. We went to the mall and completely cleared out 3 stores and I flirted with some major hotties at the country club pool, Xander be damned. It felt good to have some mindless fun for once in my life.  
  
  
God, my life has been such a major drama since I found out Buffy Summers was a vampire slayer sophomore year. Before then my life consisted of shopping, parties, and pretty much nothing else. I mean, don't get me wrong...my life was far from perfect. When I was young, me and parents used to always go out and do stuff together, but Mom is always in bed now because of her Epstein-Barr, and Daddy doesn't want to deal with her so he's always away at work. But other than that unfortunate aspect of my life, everything was okay. My life was stable, and I could depend on the fact that I would always be surronded by adoring friends and cushioned by the family wealth.  
  
  
I never had to think or feel much back in those days, I guess. Shallow "friends" like Harmony or Aphrodesia were so busy aggreeing with me that they never really hear a single word I say, and anytime I felt sad I would just make fun of the losers or shop or make out with some hot guy. It wasn't high on spiratual or intellectual fufillment or anything, but it was what I was comfortable with. I was a little rich girl who knew nothing, wondered about nothing, and wanted for nothing.  
  
  
I don't have that anymore. I don't have the careless attitude I used to have...I mean, just knowing what runs around Sunnydale at night and how the world could be destroyed any moment makes it hard to sleep at night. Thank god I'm not Buffy and actually have to fight those things...I mean, I have a tough time dealing with a broken nail, and my manicure so could not handle the rigors of being the slayer, and my hair and wardrobe? Forget it. I do really respect that girl, despite her being a freak who's all whiny and holier-than-thou and such. But it's like I am getting ripped so many times from my life into her whole world of doom and gloom, and it sucks that I'm never gonna get the blissful ignorance I had of the world back. I miss having my biggest worry be that either my mom was going to croak from whatever various ailments she had, my Dad would get caught for tax evasion(which I FINALLY convinced him not to do this year) , or what ensemble I was going to wear to school or whatever event.  
  
  
But you know, in some ways, I am completely accepting of how my life changed. I mean, being with Xander did made it easier, especially when he saved my life at that frat house and made me see him in an entirely new his-picture-is-worthy-enough-to-be-in-my-locker light. I somehow let myself become a part of the Scooby Gang...and found that it was cool to be around people who for once didn't want to sleep with me(well, excluding Xander, hopefully) or use me to climb up the social ladder. We weren't the greatest of friends, but for once I felt like I had ones who would actually give a damn if I died and wouldn't just cheerfully flock to a replacement leader after attending my tasteful funneral in fashionable mourning clothes...GOD, I have gotten completely and extremely morbid beyond belief. Thanks a bunch, Buffy Summers!  
  
  
Anyways, after Xander and the loser decided to betray me and I got a big spike through my well-toned stomach, I figured that I have finally had enough. I was so incredibly just done with Xander, his crazy friends and beyond depressing life, and I would just go back to being normal. I mean, the first day I came back I was dressed to kill and strutted through the halls with a definite disdain for those plebians who were lower than me...ready to retake my crown of Sunnydale High's biggest bitch.   
  
  
What a disaster that was! I went up to my "friends", denounced Xander as a delusional mistake, and they seemed willing to let me take my position of leader back. However, I realized I was had when Harmony took me to Jonathan and said he was more my speed...the bitch. I was not happy that week, especially considering how guys I dumped now didn't want anything to do with me. Thankfully, using that new girl Anya, I was slowly able to rebuild my status, and eventually my "friends" couldn't live without me telling them what was cool and begged for my forgiveness.   
  
  
But I guess what that whole thing taught me was that I couldn't really go back to being the Cordelia I was Pre-Xander and all...I changed too much because of him and everything I've learned. And yeah, I miss being able to not feel much, but I don't think I'd ever really want to be that way again. Feeling is nice, even when you're enraged because your boyfriend is making out with Miss Geek U.S.A..  
  
  
Anyways, I think I'm going to call Xander and ask him to meet me at the park to patrol. Later. 


	4. Chapter 4: Xander

Auhtor: NaiveCynical  
  
  
Summary: AU in which a coupled Xander and Cordelia are having a fight over his ex-girlfriend, Willow and write a series of letters and diary entries. X/C  
  
  
Author's Note: This story diverges from Buffy canon after A Lover's Walk, in season 3. In this universe, Willow and Xander dated for two months. After they broke up, Xander and Cordelia reunited.  
  
Chapter 4: Xander  
  
  
2-20-99  
  
  
Sometimes I can't believe how incredibly kind the world can be to a dork like me...the birds are singing even more cheerfully, the Calfornia sky is even more bright, people seem just a bit nicer, and the sound of a vampire exploding into a cloud of dust is ever so much sweeter.  
  
  
What's the cause for my good mood, you ask? What is making me so happy that if Angel were this happy he'd turned once again into a psycho killer beast? So beyond happy that if I were any more happy I'd be flamingly gay? Well, Cordelia called me up last night and told me to meet her in the park to patrol !  
  
  
Okay, I know it's not Cordy telling me that she will completely forgive the unbelievable amount of wrong I've done her, but it's a start. After that whole letter thing I was sure that we were completely over. I don't know what the hell made me write that letter to Wills...  
  
  
Alright, that's a lie. I know exactly why I wrote that letter to her...it's 'cause I wanted to make things better with her. I know that we broke up after two months 'cause there was just too much freaky weirdness there, but still. I do care so much about Willow, and she'll always be a part of me. But I somehow reunited with Cordelia in January, and then last week Willow wanted to go back out again. I knew that she would be upset about Cordy...so...I dunno. I wrote that letter to Willow acting like I was her soulmate or somethingto make her feel better...and I guess a part of me still feels that way about Willow. But she really is more my friend than anything, and the whole clothes fluke thingy really messed us up there for awhile.  
  
  
My biggest problem is that I always screw things up. I dunno why I do it, it just happens. I mean, things were going so incredibly twosomebug before the whole clothes fluke thing....and I came so close to losing Cordy.  
  
  
I am just glad that me and Cordy are on our way back to a steady relationship. I need her so much. And she came to the park wearing a halter top...made me think naughty thoughts. Naughty thoughts I shouldn't be thinking, but I mean, damn! We smooched a little after she told me what a stupid jerk I was, and all was well with the night. 


End file.
